Making a Comeback

It happened again.

I was on plan, staying on the right track: eating right, not drinking  pop, and even going to the gym regularly.

Then boom. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Its almost like there was a fork in the road. And instead of picking the journey to skinny, I picked my current state of fatness,  almost as if Willy Wonka himself  was enticing me with access to his chocolate factory.

Ahh, yes. Now, I'm drinking pop, not going to the gym, and definitely not eating right. Its like this overwhelming mood of "not caring" overcomes me. I just don't quite know how to shake it. I want SO badly to get back on my journey to skinny, and once again care...

I just don't think I quite know how to do that...

192

That's my official starting weight! I'm so embarrassed to even say that. I can NOT believe that I let my self go like that. It's ridiculous, really. My BMI is like 35?!!? That means I'm obese! WOW.

See, now even as I'm typing it, I still can not believe it. Oh, and my body fat percentage is 38.8%. After 38%, you have a "morbidly high" chance of getting diseases like diabetes and heart problems. That's just great isn't it?

Anyway, all this information is sure to keep me on track this time. I didn't realize I was that bad off. I suppose it's easy to let it slip away though. I'm going to schedule an appointment for the doctor for a physical, because I'm really interested to know if this weight has done any damage yet.

So, if not before, now is the greatest time for change. It has to be different this time, or I really could have health problems. Very few people on my mom's side DON'T have diabetes, and that's scary.

Time to eat healthy, and hit the gym!

Welcome Back

So, I admit. I've strayed away from my "journey to skinny" for a while. It's easy to let life get in the way. You get caught up in something else, and forget all about the diet and exercise. And, I've been feeling really bad about it too. I've tried to exercise at home, and that's not cutting it. Then I tried going jogging, due to the fact that I now have an android, and an app to talk to me while I run. Yet, that again isn't cutting it. So, on Saturday, I made a bold decision: to join Urban Active once more.

If you don't live close to Urban Active Fitness, it's pretty much the best thing since sliced bread. I've been a member before, and I loved it! They have televisions on all their cardio equipment, a swimming pool, sauna, indoor track, basketball & raquetball courts, oh, and a movie theater (you work out while you watch!). They've got it all. So, anyway, I'm back to the gym, and it feels good.

Last night (March 21st) was my first official workout. I did the ski machine (or whatever they are called!) for 40 minutes, and burned approximately 200 calories or so. It felt so good. I wanted to stop after 20 minutes, but I made myself keep going. When you join Urban Active, they give you one free session with a trainer, to workout, talk about your nutrition, weigh-in, etc. My appointment for that is tonight, so I'm curious to see what they have to say. I definitely need it, because I feel like I need some direction. This will help me to get back on the right path!

So, from now on, I'll be updating about my experiences at the gym, to keep track of what I'm eating, how many calories I'm burning, and goals that I've set for myself.

I plan on updating tonight about the training session, and for my first official weigh-in. After tonight, I will weigh myself in every 2 weeks. I think that's fair. I used to weigh myself everyday, but that concept doesn't seem to work out too well, :p.

To wrap things up, I'll check in tonight!

Caffiene: What's Your Addiction?

There's been a few things on my mind today, and I've felt like I need to get them off my chest.

First off, I'd like to congratulate myself. All this time has gone by, and I haven't even realized that I am doing exceptionally well with kicking my pop habit, and drinking lots of water. I've been keeping up with this for about a month now, which is a huge success for me. Up until this time, from the time I was about 8, I've been drinking almost nothing but pop, and about 6 to 8 cans a day. Saying this now, I'm shocked. Yet, this was my life for many years. But, on a positive note, I'm really glad I'm doing all this. It feels really good to finally be doing something about it, and moving towards my goal, rather than just complaining, and staying stagnant. Now, I've always got a water bottle with me, and I constantly drink it, and fill it back up! It's become more of a habit. And, let me tell you, it feels good to finally have a good one. My ultimate goal is to completely kick pop out of my diet. However, most days, I feel like I'm not awake yet, until I have a cup of coffee, or a can of pop.

This brings me to my next point. I don't have many vices in life. I don't smoke, nor have I ever. I don't drink, and I've never done drugs. I'm just addicted to caffeine. I think most people don't really believe that caffeine is that addicting, I used to think this way as well. But, in trying to kick my caffeine habit, I've noticed how addicting it really is. Sure, it's nothing like smoking, or drugs, but it's still addicting. It's habit-forming, and I know when I first was depriving myself of it, I was getting sluggish and having headaches. While this all subsided after a few days, I still have to fight the urge all the time. It's still there in the back of my head when I have a meal, and I'm faced with a choice: what to drink? I open my refrigerator, and look around. There's can's of Dr. Pepper (my caffeine vice of choice), bottles of water, milk, juice, etc. I have to be strong enough to grab a bottle of water each and every time.

Sometimes I fail. But, that's okay. This is what this journey is all about. Not about really being skinny, but it's about being healthy. That's my ultimate goal, and nothing can top that one.

Motivation: What's Yours?

So, I'm starting to realize more and more that losing weight isn't much of a physical battle at all. It's a mental battle. Sure, you have to exercise, and eat right, and those are things you have to physically do. Yet, why you don't do them in the first place, is all in your mind. Maybe it's just me, but trying new food is probably the hardest part of this whole journey. It's almost like my mind has a list of things I'm supposed to eat, and when it sees something new coming towards my mouth, it's like WHOAH what are you doing? NO, I'm not eating that. It's almost as if it's the bouncer of my mouth, and it's kicking all the vegetables out. I know I WANT to eat it, but then again, I don't. I revert back to that 5 year old child, who's pickier than ever. I know this is something I'm going to have to struggle with for a while.

Exercise, too, is a mental battle. When you're out of shape, and not used to working out everyday, your body physically gets tired easily, then your mind kicks in, and says, " STOP!" But, you just have to find it down in yourself to keep going, no matter what.

This brings me to my main point: motivation. We all have it at some point. Yet, it's very hard to keep your motivation level high, all the time. For me, it's been down a lot lately. It seems like I have a one-track mind. I give all my energy and focus to one thing, and as soon as something else comes up, it takes the back-burner, and I barely think about it. This is another thing I struggle with. I'm finding it hard to just make healthy living a part of my life, instead of something that needs constant attention. I wish it would just come natural to me. Yet, it doesn't. It really is something that I need to fight for, but in the end, it will all be worth it. I don't want to have to deal with maybe having health problems because of food. That just sounds ridiculous, to let food kill you.

So, to keep my motivation up, I'm going to give myself a reward. If I exercise everyday for 2 weeks, starting today, January 24th, to February 7th, I will reward myself with a new haircut. This is something I've been wanting to do for a while, so I'm not going to allow myself to do this, unless I exercise everyday. This is going to be very hard for me, so that just makes the reward that much sweeter!

Happy dieting to everyone, if anyone actually reads, lol, and I'll check in again soon!

Scales Are the Enemy

I think I need some advice.

Because my weight loss journey has to be different this time (meaning I'm going to actually stick to it!) , I've made a vow to myself to only weigh myself once a week. Previous times that I've been on diets, I would get up everyday and weigh myself, and it would fluctuate and I'd stress about it all day. So, my weigh-in days are now Saturdays. January 1st was the first official day of my new lifestyle change, and that so happened to be a Saturday, so that's why I chose that day. It's been one week. I started my weight loss journey at about 185 pounds. This was in December, though. Last week, I weighed in at 182 pounds. This week has been a good week. I've exercised, I've ate good, and drank plenty of water. But now, I'm a whopping 194 pounds?! This is got to be the heaviest I've ever been.

So, does anyone have any tips or advice? I've given thought to the explanation that it's muscle, but I really don't think that is possible....

I'll Get Up Again

So I did it. I broke down and had a pop yesterday. I remember being motivated and determined to not drink any pop for a week, till this coming Thursday. Yet, I broke down and had one. But, unlike every other time I've been on a diet with restrictions, I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm not going to dwell on it, and give up. I'm just going to keep pushing on, because I know I have the strength to do this. After all, that's what "diets" are all about. It's not about changing your diet for a week, month, or even a year. It's about making a lifestyle change. And, my lifestyle change is definitely taking effect.

I Used To Be Fat: The Introduction

Okay. You got me. I didn't used to be fat. I AM fat. Yet, that's my goal, to say, "I used to be fat."
So, you're probably wondering why I'm telling you this, so let me tell you a little about myself.

First off, I'm a female, I'm 5'2", and I weigh 185lbs. To me, this is crazy. I'm 21 now, and in high school, I was calling myself fat at 140lbs. If only I could go back to those days. I was trying to lose the same 20 pounds since I was about just 13 years old. I've never had great eating habits, but I usually try to incorporate healthy things into my diet. I've exercised on and off for about 8 years. I've went from being a couch potato to doing at-home workouts to exercising for 2 hours a day at the gym. I've went from eating nothing but fast food to not eating, to eating everything, then purging. And, let me tell you, none of it has worked. So, I'm throwing in the towel, the dirty, old used towel. The fat towel that is. I'm tired of living this unhealthy lifestyle. I want to say that I'm healthy. I want to say that I can actually buy clothes that I like. I want to say that I used to be fat. So, you see, this is my goal. But, this time is different. It's not like all those other times before. This time, I'm deciding to share my story and struggles. Maybe it will help me stay on track, who knows. Or, maybe it just gives me an excuse to write.

So, here's the goals:
My current weight: 185lbs
My ultimate goal: 120lbs

But, I just don't want to keep telling myself, "Hey, you've got 65lbs to lose!" No, this doesn't work. To stick to a long-term goal, you have to think of it in short-term. Otherwise, it just feels so overwhelming.  So, each week, I'm going to have a goal. Not necessarily a weight loss goal, but just an acheivable goal. Good nutrition doesn't come to you overnight, so I'm going to do this slowly. Every other time, I've drastically changed my diet from pizza and soda to celery and water overnight. This is very hard to stick to. Hence, the slowness. This time HAS to be different. I know I can do this. I can do anything that I set my mind to. But, for some reason with weight loss, it's hard for me to wrap my head around it. It sounds so simple: good nutrition + exercise = weight loss. But, I always mess up the equation somehow.

So, for this week my goal, from today until next Thursday, is not to have any pop. This is going to be very hard. Although I've cut back ALOT, I still drink at least a pop a day. I'm addicted to Dr. Pepper, and have been for many years. I know people say, hey, caffeine isn't all that addicting. But, it is.

I know I can do this. Anyone can. You just have to stick to it. Researchers say that in order for something to become a habit, you have to do it for 21 days. That's right just 3 weeks! So, I figure my next goal, ought to be, to exercise EVERYDAY for 3 weeks. That way, after I've accomplished my goal, it will become a habit. Now, for it to become part of your everyday life, you have to do it for 6 months. And, this stuff has to become part of my life everyday.

So, I vow to make a conscious effort to be good to my body. Good nutrition and exercise.

Time for more goals:

I've decided to break this loss of weight into 2 goals. First, I'd like to lose 30 pounds by my birthday, which is March 29th. So, this is definitely doable. Then, lose the rest, 35lbs, by July 1st.

I will be updating daily with my diet, fallbacks, accomplishments, exercise, maybe even some pictures.

Thank you for reading, It's time for some breakfast! (Healthy breakfast!)